Flood by the Crack

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My roommates are panicking, but I find this sort of thing hilarious.

This will be the second apartment I’ve lived in where it’s flooded, if it floods. This is the second time the snow has melted so fast this semester that it’s flooded out entryway. Hilarious.

Trina came to visit with her gal-pal to do auditions for Argentine (it was the same day Whitney Huston died). I'm really excited to be a part of it. It's gonna be fun! I play Beatrice, beautiful evil-lady who gets to do some awesome shrieking.

Phedra has been going well. I’ve made some great friends, who I will miss much when we have finished our run. The last show is this Saturday. I had a really good moment in my second scene last night. The passion was at a good level, though I could probably up it even more. We’ll see what I can do tonight!

On opening night, or really pre-opening night, my roommates came. Alyssa and Michelle bought me flowers! When Trina, Ryan, Matt and Alex came to see it Trina and Ryan bought me flowers too. It was super awesome. I've never been spoiled so much in so short a time in my life!

I’m back to re-writing Snow White. It’s kind of been left as is for a while, but I got some new ideas.

I need to cut my nails. I like them long and all, but they’re inconvenient. Poo…

So on Sunday it was just Alyssa and me. We went to sacrament meeting, but poor Alyssa wasn't feeling good, so we went home during Sunday school. After having eaten some and what not we returned for Relief Society because she was teaching the lesson. When we came home we decided to make dinner. Chicken salsa and tortillas all from scratch. Our home teacher came over. We don't much like him, and we were trying to get rid of him when the door knocks again. I'm antisocial so I have no friends not in the theatre, and Alyssa wasn't expecting anyone so we didn't know who was coming over.

The door was answered and two guys walked in. I assumed they were home teachers for one of our roommates--who were all gone. They stayed and chatted, never asked for anyone else. Were impressed with our legit cooking and decided they wanted us over for dinner the next day. Finally Alyssa asked "why are you here". I had been oblivious that this was weird at all, but when she mentioned something I realized this wasn't an ordinary visit. So I asked: "wait...why ARE you here?"

They had seen us walking back and forth from church once when they were going to ward choir the next when they were home teaching. They saw where we lived and decided that they had to come meet us. Tyler called us "beautiful angels". We held in our laughter until after they left. It was flattering but creepy, and probably actually all about Alyssa because she gets attention from the dudes. I don't.

The awkward thing was that our home teacher was there watching the whole time. It was weird and we seriously wanted to him to leave. He kept wanting our food and it was like--no friggin way!

Anyway. That was my holiday-adventure.

Woot.

Human

I’ve almost fallen so many times recently. Lucky for me I have a strong will, but in those moments of weakness I am both frustrated and glad that it is there. I feel like a mouse, clinging to an old rotting log lost at sea. I know where I want to go, and where I want to be. The problem is is that each thing I want seems to be on a different shore. I have a vague idea how to get to each one save some. The hard part now is trying to decide which I want most. I’m slowly paddling toward one. The one that will take me far away from the things that trouble me. But those things that trouble me, though their physical form will remain on one beach, will follow me in my heart.

Why? Why can’t I just forget. Why can’t I stay in a realm of indifference toward those things I want but can’t have. Why can’t I stop wanting them? I was doing so well. I can’t even imagine what things in my subconscious brought this back. I hate my subconscious. I’d like to destroy it if I could.

It doesn’t matter though. In the end what will happen will happen, and I have no control over the outcome no matter how I beg or dream. The only thing I can do is fight for what I want, the wants that I can pursue.

Last night in rehearsal for Phedra I had one of those testimony building moments like I often do in a Hyrum production. The gospel is true, Greek gods suck. I trust my God. I know that what he does and the trials he allows me to face is not to destroy me, but to build me. He doesn’t use me as a game-piece to make other gods angry, or to amuse himself in an eternity of boredom.

Tonight Hyrum showed Hippo how he ought to interact/court Aricia (my character). After he showed him what he was allowed to do I laughed and declared “I’ve been violated this whole time”. Brant, who plays Theseus and is kind of like Obi-Wan Kenobi to Hyrum who is Qui-Gon-Jinn...nope Yoda. Definitely Yoda--made a comment that really stuck with me: “you’re a human being”...

THANK YOU!

He said something about being handled like an object. That’s how I’ve been feeling about the whole thing. I mean, I get that the whole touchyness is a modern way of courtship, but I don’t like it. I want to be respected and valued, not used to make someone else feel good about himself. Not that Hippo was doing that intentionally. It’s what he’s used to, and I get that. But...life is frustrating. Courtship is frustrating. I’ve not met very many guys who see me as a person versus a piece of flesh. I really appreciate the genuine guys that I do know who are that way.

Last night Hippo tried to kiss me. He genuinely thought that there should be a kiss in that spot. I swerved and avoided it. I wasn’t prepared for him to be my first kiss in that moment. And neither Hyrum nor script instructed such a move, so I didn’t feel bad avoiding it.

Anyway. That’s my ranting for the night. I don’t know how I’m going to get to bed. I have rehearsal in the morning, and my roommates have a bunch of friends over. It’s Friday night which means curfew isn’t till 1:00 am. And I don’t want to be a party pooper.

Frustrated much. Yeah...

I just wish they weren’t so loud.