Argentine

I had the opportunity to work on a new project, Argentine. It was an interesting experience. I learned that particular directors are not easy to work with, and that sometimes they will disregard your 6 months of devotion, and determine you don't care about the work. It's a lie. But emotions ruin everything. Luckily there was a 3rd party that was able to intervene. She not only saved what could have been a ruined show (and I was 1/2 tempted to let it go that way), and made sure my 6 months of work didn't go to waist. 


In the end things worked out. The show went well and I got to be the villain in a show for the first time.


I've played the character, the character ingenue, and the powerful ingenue. It was fun to finally get a role that people didn't think I could pull off, and then pull off so well someone thought I'd eat her after the show was over. 

This is Beatrice's monologue. It's annoying that I had to read some of it. The white paper in front of my face is distracting, but there's nothing I could do about that. I wasn't required to memorize it.

This is when you first meet Beatrice. She tricks Argentine into joining her guild.

This is the battle between Argentine and Beatrice. Which Beatrice, though goes crazy, loses.

Famous for a Week

This last month I was featured in the BYU-Idaho Scroll newspaper. Every month they choose a department or group of people and pick someone within it to represent the group. Erica, who I have worked with in Deep Love, works in the communication department. She asked to confirm that I was an actress. I sort of laughed and said that I was. She then asked me if I'd be ok with being interviewed, and have my picture taken for the middle of the scroll. I agreed. I was famous for a week.

A lot of people said my head shot looked like it'd come from vogue. It was flattering and embarrassing. The other pictures are from Phedra (which is my other picture on the right side), and Enchanted April.

Flood by the Crack

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My roommates are panicking, but I find this sort of thing hilarious.

This will be the second apartment I’ve lived in where it’s flooded, if it floods. This is the second time the snow has melted so fast this semester that it’s flooded out entryway. Hilarious.

Trina came to visit with her gal-pal to do auditions for Argentine (it was the same day Whitney Huston died). I'm really excited to be a part of it. It's gonna be fun! I play Beatrice, beautiful evil-lady who gets to do some awesome shrieking.

Phedra has been going well. I’ve made some great friends, who I will miss much when we have finished our run. The last show is this Saturday. I had a really good moment in my second scene last night. The passion was at a good level, though I could probably up it even more. We’ll see what I can do tonight!

On opening night, or really pre-opening night, my roommates came. Alyssa and Michelle bought me flowers! When Trina, Ryan, Matt and Alex came to see it Trina and Ryan bought me flowers too. It was super awesome. I've never been spoiled so much in so short a time in my life!

I’m back to re-writing Snow White. It’s kind of been left as is for a while, but I got some new ideas.

I need to cut my nails. I like them long and all, but they’re inconvenient. Poo…

So on Sunday it was just Alyssa and me. We went to sacrament meeting, but poor Alyssa wasn't feeling good, so we went home during Sunday school. After having eaten some and what not we returned for Relief Society because she was teaching the lesson. When we came home we decided to make dinner. Chicken salsa and tortillas all from scratch. Our home teacher came over. We don't much like him, and we were trying to get rid of him when the door knocks again. I'm antisocial so I have no friends not in the theatre, and Alyssa wasn't expecting anyone so we didn't know who was coming over.

The door was answered and two guys walked in. I assumed they were home teachers for one of our roommates--who were all gone. They stayed and chatted, never asked for anyone else. Were impressed with our legit cooking and decided they wanted us over for dinner the next day. Finally Alyssa asked "why are you here". I had been oblivious that this was weird at all, but when she mentioned something I realized this wasn't an ordinary visit. So I asked: "wait...why ARE you here?"

They had seen us walking back and forth from church once when they were going to ward choir the next when they were home teaching. They saw where we lived and decided that they had to come meet us. Tyler called us "beautiful angels". We held in our laughter until after they left. It was flattering but creepy, and probably actually all about Alyssa because she gets attention from the dudes. I don't.

The awkward thing was that our home teacher was there watching the whole time. It was weird and we seriously wanted to him to leave. He kept wanting our food and it was like--no friggin way!

Anyway. That was my holiday-adventure.

Woot.

Human

I’ve almost fallen so many times recently. Lucky for me I have a strong will, but in those moments of weakness I am both frustrated and glad that it is there. I feel like a mouse, clinging to an old rotting log lost at sea. I know where I want to go, and where I want to be. The problem is is that each thing I want seems to be on a different shore. I have a vague idea how to get to each one save some. The hard part now is trying to decide which I want most. I’m slowly paddling toward one. The one that will take me far away from the things that trouble me. But those things that trouble me, though their physical form will remain on one beach, will follow me in my heart.

Why? Why can’t I just forget. Why can’t I stay in a realm of indifference toward those things I want but can’t have. Why can’t I stop wanting them? I was doing so well. I can’t even imagine what things in my subconscious brought this back. I hate my subconscious. I’d like to destroy it if I could.

It doesn’t matter though. In the end what will happen will happen, and I have no control over the outcome no matter how I beg or dream. The only thing I can do is fight for what I want, the wants that I can pursue.

Last night in rehearsal for Phedra I had one of those testimony building moments like I often do in a Hyrum production. The gospel is true, Greek gods suck. I trust my God. I know that what he does and the trials he allows me to face is not to destroy me, but to build me. He doesn’t use me as a game-piece to make other gods angry, or to amuse himself in an eternity of boredom.

Tonight Hyrum showed Hippo how he ought to interact/court Aricia (my character). After he showed him what he was allowed to do I laughed and declared “I’ve been violated this whole time”. Brant, who plays Theseus and is kind of like Obi-Wan Kenobi to Hyrum who is Qui-Gon-Jinn...nope Yoda. Definitely Yoda--made a comment that really stuck with me: “you’re a human being”...

THANK YOU!

He said something about being handled like an object. That’s how I’ve been feeling about the whole thing. I mean, I get that the whole touchyness is a modern way of courtship, but I don’t like it. I want to be respected and valued, not used to make someone else feel good about himself. Not that Hippo was doing that intentionally. It’s what he’s used to, and I get that. But...life is frustrating. Courtship is frustrating. I’ve not met very many guys who see me as a person versus a piece of flesh. I really appreciate the genuine guys that I do know who are that way.

Last night Hippo tried to kiss me. He genuinely thought that there should be a kiss in that spot. I swerved and avoided it. I wasn’t prepared for him to be my first kiss in that moment. And neither Hyrum nor script instructed such a move, so I didn’t feel bad avoiding it.

Anyway. That’s my ranting for the night. I don’t know how I’m going to get to bed. I have rehearsal in the morning, and my roommates have a bunch of friends over. It’s Friday night which means curfew isn’t till 1:00 am. And I don’t want to be a party pooper.

Frustrated much. Yeah...

I just wish they weren’t so loud.

The Princess has Left the Building

First of all I'm back at school. It's my second to last semester! Woot.

Well, I’ve done something that many have done in the past. Who knows how permanent this is but, I’ve deleted my facebook.

Reasons: well there are a few.

Firstly I feel like a lot of people on my friends list only think of me as

a number. I don’t want to be friends with people who aren’t going to take advantage of the social thing and never talk to me.

Secondly, C.S. invaded. I was doing really well. I didn’t think about him, didn’t talk about him, I wasn’t a creeper and all that other jazz. A couple of nights ago he found his way into my nighttime dreams, now I can’t get him out of my daytime dreams. I feel close to a relapse. So I removed temptation. I got rid of facebook (so I wouldn’t have to see his face, or be tempted to get on his page all the time), and deleted a bunch of numbers from my phone.

At first I didn’t know what I was going to do about this thing--all those feelings that had finally left me to peace swarming back just because the guy showed up in my subconscious thoughts.

My subconscious is evil and cruel.

But while I was brooding over it in the shower (seems I get most of my epiphanies in the shower) a thought came to my mind. Delete facebook. I followed that little voice in my head and did it. I know this whole thing isn’t that big of a deal (at least not to me, the older I get the less I seem to care, and I was doing just fine without the social networking before fb and myspace and twitter came along, though I’m totally still on twitter...I haven’t been on myspace for a long time).

Anyway. So that’s was last night.

Last night I also went to a birthday party. It was fun for the hour I was there. A couple of my friends and I decided against staying for the games. Sorry, but I’m not really into that stuff.

A really late update: I got into Hyrum’s production of Phedra as Princess Aricia. I love that character and am really excited to play her. Of all the other characters she is the strongest and most level headed, it’s just too bad she’s the love interest too. Hippo finally got over his bubble-issue and was all over me yesterday. I was totally uncomfortable, but I suppose that’s something I need to get over if I’m going to play the “almost-lover”.

Sigh. Life. It rocks right.

It’s ok. I’m moving to Europe in January. One way or the other. I hope...

Update from like five minutes ago: boys are dumb. Stay away from my roommate or I will buy a baseball bat just for you. Yeah. No joke. I will beat you with it. Asshole.a

Leave now! And never come back!

I totally slept in and am now missing ward council. So I’ll write.

Trina came Friday to hang out and see Kieffer in his last comic frenzy show, which was good, but a little long. We had some awesome times after the show. We went to the College Ave Deli where I got a chili dog. I was starving. It was dang tasty, and I totally got it for free. They were flipping a coin. If you guessed heads/tails right you got your food for free.

After the deli we went to Alex’s house. We hung out in his room where interesting things happened. We now have some pretty fascinating inside jokes. Phill made uh—intense noises, and all our minds went there except for Phill’s. Kieffer couldn’t help but mention that was probably how it would sound on Phill’s wedding night, and then Phill will declare “that was fun, you should try it.” ‘Cause that’s what he said after he moan/yodeled while pounding on the strings of his guitar. And then we laughed at the fact I couldn’t make any sound while I laughed. Alex even said he was sad I couldn’t make noise while I laughed as I was silently laughing.

Good times.

Then Kieffer got all depressing and we started talking about relationships. He was saying pretty good stuff that was true, and was things I had told Trina concerning C.S. She gave me a look. And then it got really sad and Trina declared I needed a cuddle—and I really did—so Alex did me the favor for a brief minute before things got funny again.

It was late when we departed. 3 am in fact. Trina dropped us off and we dreamt away the rest of the dark morning hours. I woke up around 9 but stayed in bed. Trina text me a half hour later. She, Phill, Kieffer and I went to Broulim’s to get breakfast. Trina bought. We had a good morning just hanging out. Kaprina came a little while later with her friend Tawni. Phill left with them and then Trina dropped me and Kieffer off and we said farewell. She’s back in Utah now. I miss her :(

So. Life is interesting. I decided probably last week that I wasn’t going to have…intense feelings for C.S. any more. My head said that anyway. The heart is another matter. What sucks is that since then his face has been on either side of my facebook page every time I get on to fb. And it’s been strategically placed to be in my perfect line of vision. Um…thank you? For making this endeavor harder. It’s hard to forget someone who’s on your computer screen all the time. And yes, this is bad, but even when I’m not on fb, I’m on fb. I don’t have a social life because of homework, so I jump on the opportunity to interact with my friends in what little way I can while I do homework. Fb provides me that way. And no one wants to hang out in real life except Phill who’s now too busy wooing Kaprina.

Fat.

Go away C.S. it’s not like you talk to me. Why are you on my computer screen?

In other news. I’ve been doing a little bit of writing. I got two done for the Deep Love Kill List (Phill and I started killing the Deep Love cast on the way to Utah for Thanksgiving). I’ve also started writing a folk opera. Everyone else in the cast was. I had an idea, some songs, why not me too? I’ve also recruited two of my theatre department friends, and I’ll be getting some of my family in on it during the Christmas break. And I’ve been thinking about my descendants series. I’m really liking the conflict between Keenan and Hala…or their story. Bahaha.

“She was everything! That first day—when we met in the field. She was carrying a red veil. I asked her why she had it. She told me it would be a sign for her death. She said she would be sacrificed. It was the fate of the shepherd. I didn’t believe her. But that day when they took her. When I gave her to them…they had it. Before they pierced her fingers and tore her flesh, they wrapped it about her neck. I understood then. I fought to go to her. I fought to let them kill her. The struggle inside me. My heart against my mind. I wish my heart had won. But I thought that when they killed her, I would become mortal. I could follow her to the otherworld. Imagine my surprise that when I drove my sword through my chest I did not die. I did so many things that should have taken a man’s life. But I wasn’t a man. I was still what we are now. Gilideen lied to us. Killing them doesn’t bring us the life of man—it doesn’t bring mortality. It doesn’t give us our chance to be what we should have been before we died as babes. Before we were placed in these bodies neither stone nor flesh. Killing the woman I loved condemned me to a hell on earth—unable to die—not worthy to live. When she was reborn, a scientific feat that should have never happened! I swore to never let her die. She does not remember me. But I remember her. And if keeping her alive sentences me to a forever-life as a creature neither mortal nor immortal, then I will pay that price. Just so long as I never have to see that look in her eyes again.” -Keenan

Life Sucks Less On Stage

This last week was an adventure—to say the least. It began with the ride down to

Logan, Utah. My roommate Rachel drove my friend Phill (from Deep Love), her friend, and me. On the way down I was getting car sick so I decided to buy myself a coca cola zero (absolutely not diet) so the caffeine could help. I now have a soda-vice. It was good stuff, and I know better than to drink it too often. Any way. It made me have to pee really bad. This happened around 10/11 o’clock’ish when everything was closing. We got to a Sinclair on the dot, they were already locked up. Phill tried to help me get in to use the restroom, but the jerks wouldn't open up. I would have peed on the building if I were Jon. But that sort of thing is both awkward and difficult for a girl to pull off. It was lucky that the next Sinclair let me in. But until then, Phill was poking horrible fun at me. I’ve decided that me and sodas don’t mix during a road trip. It’s a camping relationship thing only. Not to mention it kept me lying in bed awake forever that night.

The week was great fun. I spent Thanksgiving with Kayls. We slept in late, swapped manly stories—and ate chocolate cream pie in the morning. We also made a lovely spaghetti dinner, and had sparkling cider.

We watched some Lord of the Rings, and we played Michael Jackson Dancing—something (one of my new favorite games). We also saw The Three Musketeers with Michelle. It was nice to see Bloom on the big screen again, but I couldn’t take him seriously as a “bad guy”. And the movie itself wasn’t as good as I hoped it to be. Movie makers are continuing to disappoint me. The story is getting lost in the special effects. As a die-hard film lover, this causes me great distress.

On Saturday Phill and Trina came for me. It was divine to see them again. I almost felt like I was complete in the Deep Love family again. We drove around for a time, trying to figure out what to do. Phill suggested we go to DI and find some ridiculous things to try on and take pictures. So we did.

We got some free bread at the Harvest. Phill decided he was still hungry after one slice, so he put on Trina’s coat and my glasses, flattened his hair, and then walked around and got another piece. He said the girl could tell it was him.

We went back to Trina’s parent’s house. And there we sang Deep Love till our voices were sore, and recorded a couple of songs. Phill and I plan to do one more sometime perhaps this weekend. We wrote a song too. That was epic fun.

I helped write lyrics and I came up with the harmonies.

By the end of Sunday Rachel came for us. We departed and it was sad. I was not happy to be in Rexburg again. That’s been a first. I’ve always been excited to be back. This semester’s not been so great—or perhaps it’s only not so great because the beginning was so amazing, and now it feels empty with everyone from D.L. gone.

Everyone’s frustrated with my not saying anything to cane-ker sore. Yeah. He’s got a nickname now. Have I mentioned his name? I don’t think so? Time to check previous posts. Any way. Phill’s upset because he sees what I’m doing, and knows he does it too, and knows it doesn’t make you happy. People want me to be happy, and I’m grateful to them for that. I don’t know what’s holding me back besides reason. Perhaps I’m only a hopeless romantic when it comes to story-books and other people’s lives. When it comes to mine, my head rules, and my heart only causes pain and distress.

Three more weeks until this semester is at an end. I’m really looking forward to it. I need to memorize my songs better, kick butt at juries, and move on with my life. It’s back to the theatre I go. That is where I’m happy. Life sucks less on the stage.

Oh yeah. And I just bought the LOTR’s extended edition blue ray box set for ½ off ($50) and I don’t even have a blue ray player.

Mom, dad, guess what I’m doing when I come back in December.