Life Sucks Less On Stage

This last week was an adventure—to say the least. It began with the ride down to

Logan, Utah. My roommate Rachel drove my friend Phill (from Deep Love), her friend, and me. On the way down I was getting car sick so I decided to buy myself a coca cola zero (absolutely not diet) so the caffeine could help. I now have a soda-vice. It was good stuff, and I know better than to drink it too often. Any way. It made me have to pee really bad. This happened around 10/11 o’clock’ish when everything was closing. We got to a Sinclair on the dot, they were already locked up. Phill tried to help me get in to use the restroom, but the jerks wouldn't open up. I would have peed on the building if I were Jon. But that sort of thing is both awkward and difficult for a girl to pull off. It was lucky that the next Sinclair let me in. But until then, Phill was poking horrible fun at me. I’ve decided that me and sodas don’t mix during a road trip. It’s a camping relationship thing only. Not to mention it kept me lying in bed awake forever that night.

The week was great fun. I spent Thanksgiving with Kayls. We slept in late, swapped manly stories—and ate chocolate cream pie in the morning. We also made a lovely spaghetti dinner, and had sparkling cider.

We watched some Lord of the Rings, and we played Michael Jackson Dancing—something (one of my new favorite games). We also saw The Three Musketeers with Michelle. It was nice to see Bloom on the big screen again, but I couldn’t take him seriously as a “bad guy”. And the movie itself wasn’t as good as I hoped it to be. Movie makers are continuing to disappoint me. The story is getting lost in the special effects. As a die-hard film lover, this causes me great distress.

On Saturday Phill and Trina came for me. It was divine to see them again. I almost felt like I was complete in the Deep Love family again. We drove around for a time, trying to figure out what to do. Phill suggested we go to DI and find some ridiculous things to try on and take pictures. So we did.

We got some free bread at the Harvest. Phill decided he was still hungry after one slice, so he put on Trina’s coat and my glasses, flattened his hair, and then walked around and got another piece. He said the girl could tell it was him.

We went back to Trina’s parent’s house. And there we sang Deep Love till our voices were sore, and recorded a couple of songs. Phill and I plan to do one more sometime perhaps this weekend. We wrote a song too. That was epic fun.

I helped write lyrics and I came up with the harmonies.

By the end of Sunday Rachel came for us. We departed and it was sad. I was not happy to be in Rexburg again. That’s been a first. I’ve always been excited to be back. This semester’s not been so great—or perhaps it’s only not so great because the beginning was so amazing, and now it feels empty with everyone from D.L. gone.

Everyone’s frustrated with my not saying anything to cane-ker sore. Yeah. He’s got a nickname now. Have I mentioned his name? I don’t think so? Time to check previous posts. Any way. Phill’s upset because he sees what I’m doing, and knows he does it too, and knows it doesn’t make you happy. People want me to be happy, and I’m grateful to them for that. I don’t know what’s holding me back besides reason. Perhaps I’m only a hopeless romantic when it comes to story-books and other people’s lives. When it comes to mine, my head rules, and my heart only causes pain and distress.

Three more weeks until this semester is at an end. I’m really looking forward to it. I need to memorize my songs better, kick butt at juries, and move on with my life. It’s back to the theatre I go. That is where I’m happy. Life sucks less on the stage.

Oh yeah. And I just bought the LOTR’s extended edition blue ray box set for ½ off ($50) and I don’t even have a blue ray player.

Mom, dad, guess what I’m doing when I come back in December.

DEEP LOVE

To understand the beginning of my Fall (11) semester you need to listen to this. I was in the choir as the “loud soprano” (except I'm not very loud on the recording lol I was afraid of overpowering the others, which had been an issue before--lesson learned), and Florence’s scream. I got to spend every evening with these amazing artists, and I don’t regret a bit of my time with them. It might have affected my studies a bit, but it was totally worth it. I hope that I get to work with these guys for the rest of forever. I’d be happy being a part of their work for all of my life.

Thanks for giving me a family again guys. Without ya’ll I’m an orphan, but someday we’ll be together again. Right?

FINALE VIDEO
VIDEO: THE REPRISE

How Do You Know?

Today in sacrament, I asked the Lord “how do you know?” and then I laughed.

But then—I began to wonder—how does He know? I know that He knows, but I’m curious. What link or spirit, or power allows or grants that kind of foresight?

God has all power, but where does it come from? How are we all linked in such a way that He feels or knows when a sparrow has fallen? I can’t help but wonder because I hope to one day have this same power if I live my life in such a way to be worthy. It is something to think about, to be curious of, but not to lose any sleep or my testimony over. I know the gospel is true. I know that the Lord loves and guides me. I may make mistakes, but I can fix them and come home to Him and become like Him.

It makes me excited to die (not that I’d pursue that) because all these questions I am so curious about will be answered then. Eternity intrigues me, but to be prepared for it I must endure this life and create a Zion in myself. I’m excited for life, for it to end, and to see my Heavenly Father and Savior again—and thank them for everything—the atonement, the guidance, and for not answering my questions plainly or immediately. I have learned and grown, and will continue to do so so that I can be worthy of Godhood, and someday be a good Heavenly Being for the spirit children I will one day have the responsibility of loving and caring for.

A New Life

We’re out of cake. How could I be out of cake?! We just made it yesterday!

I bet Phil came over and ate it.

I’m having some Deep Love withdrawals—again.

I miss them. I miss him. But I get to see one of them next week during the Thanksgiving break. Thank goodness friends are near and Utah isn’t so far. I get to see Kayls too. Her family is being kind enough to let me join them for the holiday. Getting to Oregon would be a nightmare. This’ll be my first Thanksgiving away from home, and honestly, I don’t mind so much. I love the lot of em, and I miss my dog…but…meh. I always end up cleaning (deep cleaning) the whole of the house the day after I come home. I’m not looking forward to that for when I go back for Christmas. I couldn’t handle it then if I did it only a month before. I shouldn’t be a Cinderella when I go home. I’m not the weak orphan that needs a fairy with a bubble for a brain to fix my problems.

Life has taught me that a girl has to save herself. There is no prince, there is no fairy. There is only me and the Lord, and he’s gonna help me, but he aint going to spoon feed me the answers no matter how much I wish he would.


(An excerpt from my version of my least favorite fairytale)

In my world—this land of fairytale—things are not as the story books tell. Those were the original girls, and they had it easier than most that followed them.

In the last ten years there have been fifty Rapunzels, a hundred Thumbelinas, and ninety-five Swan Princesses. Beauty and the Beast is the rarest of the stories to be lived. There are fewer girls with the kind heart the first Beauty possessed.

I know my fairytale and I dread it. Though fairytale lives are ample in our world, the happily ever after is not a chance all of us get.

I am a Cinderella, but my circumstances are drastically different. I have three stepsisters. Two granted are awful, but the third is not bad. Our kingdom has one prince and the chances I am his princess is slim. Why?

Because how they choose his bride is not traditional. Balls aren’t thrown for him. We may not have fairy god mothers, but we have magic, and the royal sorcerers use it to their advantage. The idea is they can locate whom the royalty in question will love the most and be loved by the most.

A nice idea, but I’m not interested in marrying a prince.


I’m not! For reals. I would rather have the poor farm boy who’ll sing me to sleep every night then some guy who’s trying too hard.

I’ve realized that the concepts of the gospel are true. I always knew they were true, but having had some new experiences, I feel them to be true. I know they are not only in my mind, but in my heart too. I didn’t know until I made this realization that my heart had a brain, or will power of its own. What it thinks and what my brains thinks don’t always coincide. I’ve never had that happen before. It’s not that either of them is wrong. It just makes some things hard.

I know there’s a reason I’m not married now. For one thing (though I swore I never would be) I’ve learned that I would be that girl who’d forget academics for a man, and I would do horrible in school. And I’d also be too concerned with my family. I’d never get anything academic done. How do I know this? Well partially because there was a baby in the piano lab tonight. I wanted nothing more than to steal that baby and run. I’ve never had such a strong desire to have a family. I’ve always wanted other things, things I considered to be bigger. But now the desire has been getting stronger and stronger, and it’s getting more difficult to ignore. I now know that I would put all of my other dreams on the back burner for a family, so long as it could be eternal, maybe not immediately, but soon.

My life…I’m ready for it to start.